When life sucks, it really sucks

Everything is just going down hill. My mom finally did the right thing, left her husband. But after 3 days she easily caved in and took the jerk back. His dumb crazy family of liars don't want us back, well I don't want them back. I'm living in my aunts basement for good. I'm never going back. I've been betrayed by everyone I love most. My mother picked him over me, what a great idea. And when she just gets hurt again I might not be here for her. I've been their since the beginning, through all the bad times that everyone easily seems to forget. I was the one that was their when she tried to kill herself, the one the took care of her when she was sad and crying. I mean I could careless what happens to that family, they are NOT my family.
I'm too nice and trust way too easily. I've been betrayed by my "stepsister" thought she was really my friend, but the whole time she plotted to separate the rents. Everything was a lie. Now the step is trying to steal my only real friend, my best. And it really hurts me. I love my best friend so much, she's a sister to me. But if my step takes her from me, I'll be all alone. I have enough problems with my family I thought I'd at least have my best friend to help me through it. But she'll start agreeing with the step. And I'll be soon forgotten. So I hope they all live happily ever after in their perfect home, and I hope my step and best friend have a grand ol' time having sleepovers and going to parties together.
I'll be fine, just fine.

super powers?

Mhm. My family and I must have super powers. It all happen in a split second. One minute the phsyco step dad was yelling at all of us for no reason. Then next, we had enough and went up stairs and started grabbing all our stuff. He left and that's when we called every family member we could. In less then 4 hours we had packed everything we own, though we didn't have boxs or anything, we did it. Using garbage bags and backpacks. We had about 12 cars in our drive way helping us out.
Now my step father is left with nothing. He doesn't even have a bed to sleep on. I just laugh cause he did this to himself. Now my mother and I are living in my aunt's basement. My brother is going to go to my grandma's apartment. And my sister is staying with her friend. I can't wait till we get an apartment. Living here is hard, I've lived here once before, but it gets annoying not living in my own place. Now I can't stay out late and such, I'm sharing a bed with my mom. We're living out of boxes. At least I have my family. But hopefully things will change soon. Till then, I'll put a smile on my face and pretend to be happy, for my mom, I rather her not worry about me. She has enough to deal with now.

6...

 
   That's the number of time's I've moved before my 18th birthday all after the age of 8 or so. Numbers 7 and 8 are soon to follow. Yes, I'm moving again. and again. This home I have now is the biggest and best house I've ever lived in. It consist of me, my sister, my brother, my mom & my step dad, step brother, step sister, and step cousin. We each have our own room in this historical home.

   Things were good for a bit. We moved in all together in April of 2009. But now it's August and we've discovered the real person we're living with. Seeing my mother cry almost every night is not something I was expecting from this. We have to move sneaky and fast. My mom & I are going to being living with my aunt, again, till we find a place for our family. I'm scared. I'm use to moving but change like this is a bit more difficult when their are other people involved. My step sister who has made such great progress with her depression and anxiety thanks to my mom and my family is taking this very hard.

   Its going to be tough trying to find a place for cheap. My mom got laid off before we moved in here so we don't have much money. She's so afraid being on her own again. Paying bills and renting an apartment is hard. No matter what anyone thinks.

   My mom has had a tough life and it seems that everything bad has to happen to her. She is the nicest and most caring person you'll ever meet. I've never meet someone who didn't like her. She taken in my friends in like family and even boyfriends I've had, she makes sure their loved. She is mom to all that enter her home. So maybe that's why I'm so confused to why bad things happen to her. Maybe one day everything will change for her. I can only hope. But as long as we have each other that's really all we need in life.

my eyes through the lens

Today my sister, my biggest fan in what ever I do, suggested today that I go into photography, but I wasn't sure about it at first. I feel as though I wouldn't be good enough. But maybe, just maybe, people would actually like it. I enjoy taking photos and editing them to perfection. I do very artsy photographs and I also like taking photos of people. Lately I've been doing under water stuff with my new camcorder that also takes stills, I'm saving up my money to buy a nice camera that can go under water though. Maybe that can be my signature thing. Under water. Everything and anything. Haha.
We'll see how this career will go. I'm going to enter my stuff in the fairs this fall and also sell at craft shows. Taking pictures of the town I sell in is good, a lot of business around town like that sort of thing in their stores, like a cute cafe or something always has that kind of stuff. But if this whole thing works, that'd be wonderful. Doing something I love and getting paid, what could be better!

Blackout

Sometimes that is what you want to happen, depression is a weird thing.