A New Year...

   I'm finally ending 2010 with people I'm glad to move forth into 2011 with. Forget all of the bad, the lies, the backstabbers, the jerks, the fights, the two faced, and the "friends"...

   This year will start with the new me, Grown, Loved, Happy.

-Christina

I really do wish I was snowed in with my boyfriend.

  Looking outside at the loneliness of the first snow fall, when not one car is passing through the usually busy intersection. The night sky is a purple, so beautiful, it makes you stop to look up. The street lights are shinning on nothing but pure white, just glistening in the spot lights. The wind sounds as cold as it feels, and I just sit here in my bed, listening to it making my house shiver. I can hear the wind chimes blowing about, but the whole house is quite and everyone is sleeping or in their beds all warmed up, and all I think is how I wish I was snuggled up with him. Layers of pajamas's and hoodies on, blankets covering our bodies, and the dog and cat cuddled up close. A movie playing and holding hands under the sheets. That would be perfect right now, it really would.

-christina

Happy Christmas Bloggers!

   So everyone, I must say, this was in fact one of the best Christmas and Birthdays I have ever had. So many good memories. My birthday at Bowl'O'Roma was so much fun!! I'm terrible at it but I don't care. I personally loved all our names we picked out. I was DJ Tanner, it's my bowling league name. I'm such a nerdbomber! This is the guys and girls group shots!

    I loved going to Christmas Eve over Sean's house, it was fun to experience the holiday with a different family other then my own. His sister, Jordan, even made these ugly sweaters for Sean and I and their sister, Jenna and her fiance Luke and of course for the rents. Here's a picture below....

    I personally love the ones me and Sean got have the gold trim, as he said it's cause we have swag. Also some of his family members got me gifts and did a birthday cake for me, it was so sweet! I felt so accepted by them, they are such a great and fun family, I had such a blast with them!

   Waking up Christmas day was tough since I was so freaking tired. Then of course I had to wait for everyone so we could open gifts! My sister got my Iron Fist heels! I was so excited cause they actually fit perfect, and I got Iron Fist boots from my mom. I can not wait to wear them. My mom also got me this beautiful big painting/picture thingy in a frame, it's of a old fashion camcorder. I adore it! Though I have no were to hang it in my dumb ass wood paneled room.

   Sean got me around 1:15 to head of the his grandparents house, it was awkward but they made special soup and pasta just for me, since the whole no meat thing. But it was so nice of them to do so, I wish we grabbed the brownies and cookies I made before we left... I really want them now. ANYWAY. Sean was so sweet when we were leaving and carried me all the way down the long drive and across the street to his rents drive way to his car, cause my feet were dying in the heels! Though if anyone saw it as we left, they may now think I'm a snotty princess, oh well.

   My aunt's house was so fun, and I think Sean had a good time. I was so happy he came, not many people meet my family, only people I really like get to. They all like him, and I my uncle does, which is super important since he's like my father. Oh, I love my family! We are all weird but in a good way, well I think so. Ah gift time... I got moolah! and Sean and I got gift cards to a few restaurants so that will be great! We did a birthday cake and it was yummy, though I gave a spoonful to my baby Huddy. Oh he likes Sean too! Hehe.

   After we left there, we went to Sean's house and gave his lil lady, Abby, her dog toys, which some are ALREADY gone. I'm glad to loved them though! Then just had a relaxing night. This Christmas was great, like really great. I hope you all had a fabulous holiday!!

xoxo Me!

It's my Actual Birthday!

Hi!

Went to Christian's house with my sister to hang with her friends tonight! It was a lot of fun and got everyone saying happy birthday to me! Dina's friends are some of my favorite people. I've been hanging out with the peeps since I was in 7th grade when Dina would let me tag along to her parties!

Okay it's 2 AM so I'm going to bed~
- Christina

Gilly Girl

this time I got the job, and I get to work with my best friend! FUCK YEAH.

YES!!!!

TO BAD... I'm quitting and gettin' on out of there! Screw that job and those people... minus Michelle.
Gilly Hicks... I'm coming back for you... till I get a better job that is.

7 days.

in a fucking row. I really can't take it anymore. This place is pure shit. I do everything they ask, I never miss a day, and all the day is shit on me. Their assholes and only worry about making their schedule perfect and don't do crap when their working and leave it for me or Michelle. We even have to clean up after them, like really, are they five years old, can't clean up after making food in the kitchen. I work with a bunch of idiots. Oh my god, I can't wait till I have a normal 8-5 job, I hate working nights. I did not sign up for this shift. I wanted days. I just really want that secretary job, where everyone looks nice for work and does their job, this place is a joke. I mean really, people blow alarms, don't do the edits for accounts, and let the phone and alarms ring for like 3 minutes before they act on it. I need a job where people take it seriously like I do. I'm a hard worker and I hate being around people who don't even try to do a good job.

-Christina

I may have a problem

... with the amount of shoes I buy and own. It's a compulsion, I see shoes and I'm like "oh my goodness! I need them!" and then I proceed to buy them. I wear them all, and most are just old but I still fit into them so why should I throw them away! So maybe just lately I've had a problem, oh well. Their cute! Combat boots are my favorite, I just got a pair of new black up to the knee ones, I had the ankle ones. I adore them!

Also for Christmas I'll be getting two more pairs, a pair of comfy black zombie boots and then a pair of rock'n'roll t.u.k. heels which are to die for! Okay off to buy more shoes.... just kidding!

-Christina

I hate rainy days

One- I get headaches, especially when I'm in the car.
Two- The dogs I'm babysitting won't go potty in the rain.
Three- My pants are soaked on the bottom.
Four- I can't wear my mocks, they are not water proof.
Five- It's just crappy out.

Christmas is almost here.

I can NOT wait! I've almost finished my Christmas shopping, but still to do all the wrapping. That just takes forever. I tried my best for each gift I got people, I hope they like what they receive. Though this year I didn't put up a tree or do a card with my sister, I've got to enjoy making and putting up stocking with Sean. And love all the trees I've seen.  Christmas time is so beautiful and just makes me so happy.The 23rd I will be celebrating my 20th birthday, which is crazy, I feel so old now, but yet still so young. I can't believe I will be in my twenty's and not being in my teens anymore. It's so scary, but I'm also excited too. I've been feeling so much older lately. I'm proud of myself. I'm going to make the new year my best year yet. I'm so happy to be spending the holidays with my family and also my boyfriend's family. This years holidays will be a lot better then last years, so much sadness then, now I can just enjoy it.

This is at Sean's house, he doesn't have a mantel, but I still love them!

New ink ;]

Both pictures taken right after they were finished up, Love them both <3

What a hard week it's been

   Mallissa,

   I can't believe it's been a year since I've seen you. You're gone. And that's it. I've been thinking about you so much now that it's this time of year, your birthday was the 5th, you would have been 21. I hate that my birthday is coming up and I'll always be turning the year you were last. I worry that it will just make everyone sad. Especially cause this year I turn 20, that was the last age you were alive.

   Christmas is even harder this year, because it's been so long yet I still can't believe it's already a year later. I can see in everyone's faces that there thinking about you, even if they don't talk about it or mention it. Where having Christmas eve this year, and I hope that it's not super sad. I still have so many questions and I'll never have answers, I still am mad at you and her, and I still love you, Everything was so messed up in the end. So now I just remember the summer of our friendship and sisterhood. I love you Mallissa, you have changed my life forever.

Love, Christina

Don't be a cry baby

So...  

   I hate crying in front of others, a lot. All it does is show weakness. Which is something I'm not a fan of. I don't like people to feel sorry for me or know what can hurt me. And crying is something that can really show that. Unfortunately I cry easily, out of frustration when I'm angry and pissed, sometimes if I'm thinking about the past and people, or if I'm watching a movie where an animal dies. That always gets me! But anyway, I'm lone crier, but the past two times I cried it was in front of people, not even people who know me well! While out bowling! Like really.... why?

- Christina

What am I thankful for?

Let me tell you! I'm thankful for so much. My number one being my family, I love them so much. Even though I didn't spend this holiday with any of them since we all went separate ways. My sister went with her boyfriend's family and I went with mine. My Aunt was over their neighbors and my mom was with my step dad. But either way I am so thankful to have such a loving and caring family.

I'm also thankful for how life is going lately, though I have sucky hours, at least I have a job and making some money. I also have a sweet boyfriend, who I enjoy spending time with. And of course I'm thankful to my true friends who've been their for me during all my hard times. Thanksgiving was actually good this year. Though I'm stuck at work now, I got to enjoy family bonding with Sean's family.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! What are you thankful for?!

-Christina

NYC & Chelsea

Hi!

   Just went to New York city with Sean and peeps to go to the MoMa and other art galas. I have never been. I love art so I was excited. Kim, their old art teacher, was going so it was like a mini field trip.
First we went to MoMa then walked through the city to a Dali exhibit which was amazing! It was all real art, amazing to see! I saw Starry Night up close, some Andy Warhol stuff and tons of Dali sculptures, canvas, water color, drawings, etc.

Sean and I on the way there!

Jim & Dana

Dali

Dali

Then we went to Chelsea! We got lunch there and went to a bunch of small galas it was so cool. I have never down something like that. They were all one after another. It was all so different from the last. I bet some of those people will be famous one day.

Lunch at a cute little Italian restaurant. 

Street art by a artist Sean and Kevin really like, Mac.

Eve the streets were artsy fartsy.

Leaving NY

-Christina

EEKS!

Getting the first tattoo of my leg "pant" [aka a sleeve for my leg] tomorrow! It's Snow White on the side of my left thigh. I'm stoked. WOOTWOOT! Helen is taking me cause we are bonding all day shopping and running errands then at 6pm I will be seeing Sean's friend Kevin who will be tattooing me! I know it'll come out great, and if it isn't the best thing ever, I don't care hahahaha, I'll still love it. But I'm sure it'll look fabulous! I'll post photos Sunday.

Alsooo I'm heading to New York Saturday with Sean and his friends for a "field trip" to MoMa, I've always wanted to go to cool museums but no one I know likes that kinda stuff, I didn't know he was till he invited me! I'm so excited! I went to one to Yale or somewhere around there, but I loved it so much. So I can't wait to see what's there. I don't like NYC but if their is a reason to go, I'm down.

I'll post pictures from that too and tell you all about it, this is going to be a GREAT weekend. Minus the whole working Sunday night. Oh well, but thanks to Michelle for switching with me so I didn't have to work at 8 a.m. Sunday.

Lately...

    I'm never home. I work full time, alwayssss 4 pm till midnight. I really hate that. Then on weekends they try and make me work mornings. Ridiculous. I am really starting to hate this job, because of the unfairness when it comes to scheduling, especially on the holidays! Working Thanksgiving. Lovely.... I better not be working Christmas, I will be furious and just walk out the door.

Also some of the workers take advantage of me because I'm younger and new, plus I'm too shy to stand up and say something. They make me do all the work, while they get paid more money to do nothing. Not cool. I only like working with Michelle, one she's my age, and two she does work and helps me when I need it.

Ughh I'm at work now, go figure. I just want to hang out with people but I'm stuck here, oh well 30 mins to go, then I'm free!

Having a good hair day...

That's all, haha!

Edgy I Think So

Did a more edgy shoot with Risa the other day, I just loved her outfit! We also did a few random photos in the studio, one looks very cultural, which I love. Hope you like the photos!

Pumpkin Carving

Boo!

We carved pumpkins and ate tons of snacks and even made caramel apples! Kim and Helen came over and we all started to pick out our designs, I chose Snow White.... but it came out looking like George Washington. Awkward......

Kim, me, and Helen

Good Ol' Mr. Washington

-Christina

Decorated the Office

It's just too blah not to decorate!

It's Not Fair At All.

   WHY?! Why does everyone call me stubborn? I really am not. They see their side but never mine.

   No one ever can understand my point of view, and I'm sick of trying to explain myself. If someone hurts me, why would I want them in my life? Please tell me, would you want someone who has hurt you lingering around you? No.

   I'm sorry that I cut people who have hurt me out of my life.With my ex best friend, there is a reason I don't even want to talk to her, because she hurt me more then most have, and she doesn't understand why I'm upset. I just don't understand why people want these type of people in their lives. It baffles me. How dare they call me stubborn, and "fail to see logic and reason", I see the logic in not having people who have hurt me most around me.

   I have been broken for a while now, and I've been at some of the lowest points. I have gone through so much my whole life, moving a lot, never having money, I have lost so many important people, I have been betrayed and lied to by the ones closest to me. I have my own problems I'm trying to deal with, my life isn't easy. So please tell me why I want to be friends with people who have only brought me down and made me cry?

-Christina

Rainy Day Big E

Hi everyone!

Went to the Big E yesterday with my sister Dina! It's one of the best fairs around, so if you've never been, you really should. It didn't rain... like really rain till the outdoor concert. We saw Miranda Lambert! I love her, she is so badass! We had to get ponchos but it was fun anyway! The day time was nice though, went to the state houses and ate tons of food... maybe too much. Wait? Is there such thing as too much food? Nahhhh. Btw we found Ryan at the fair with his friends and made him come with us to the concert, what a good sport!

Just a blah sad dayy

Hi...

   I'm so blah today. And randomly upset about the guy who hung himself at the college were people I know go, they didn't know him, and neither did I, but it always hits home when I hear about that stuff since my stepsister. I had a dream about her, and she always appears in my thoughts randomly. And then I get sad. Rest in peace everyone who has ended their life for whatever reason. I wish you realized that everything would eventually be okay.

Stay positive,
Christina

Burlesque & pin up

I'm completely obsessed with the old fashion glamor. Those women of the 40s/50s we're real women, with curves, style, and darn right classy. As a photographer I am going into pin up photography, because I just think, even if you're not a model you can get a surge of confidence when putting yourself into the heels of the women back then. The hair, the make up, the poses. All of it makes you feel sexy and confident. That's going to be my goal of my work, to make women feel beautiful, like they truly are. I not only enjoy being behind the camera but also in front. I'm certainly not a super thin tall model girl, but the feeling of being a bombshell thrills me to no end. I enjoy dressing up in that vintage style, it's all conservative but still so sexy too.
For my business, I'll have a studio, with all the photography jazz, plus props and retro clothing and burlesque style stuff too. I'll do their hair and make-up, since I was going into hair dressing and I've grown up knowing how to, I'm pretty good at it and still on the quest to study that era's hair and make-up so I'll get even better!
I'll do calenders, posters, or just plain old photographs. Will help pick a pin up name or they can come up with their own, apart of the package deal. I can do single person stuff or groups. You can wear what you want or bare it all. It will always be a professional environment, and I plan on only having female workers, so the women always feel comfortable, I wouldn't want to ruin their fun experience by them getting all shy.
I truly can't wait to get started on doing this! I'm starting my savings with my full time job now! And after I get some more studio stuff I can start to build a portfolio!
Wish me luck on this career of mine!

xoxo- Christina

BORED. Work drains me.

Arg!

   I hate when I have my bad day and my mood sucks everything out of me. Where I just want to cry and lay in my bed. I'm stuck at work, trying to keep it all together. But it's hard.

   Hope your day is going better than mine,
Christina

To whom this may concern,

   Hi,

   You don't know me. And I know you may not care, but I will tell you anyway. You can stop at any moment if you feel it's not worth your time to read. I won't take any offense, for I wouldn't expect any one to read it. Well, I've been writing about my life for years now.  But today, I will write to you.

   You might not know this but you are important. You are loved, whether you realize this or not, maybe they don't show it, but they care, they really do. You are a beautiful soul, you may not think so, but you are. Just believe it. Maybe one day you will see, what everyone else sees. You think you're not worth being happy and loved, but you are wrong, you are worth that and so much more. You may not listen to me today, but someday soon, I hope you see what I see.

Sincerely with love,
   Christina

I let it all out.

 I Let It All Out

by Christina.

I let everything out. 

Tears, feelings, thoughts, worries.
Everything.

To pour it all out, over flowing, spilling everywhere.
Just to open the bottled up emotions is intense,
Relieving.

To tell each thought one by one to a listening ear,
Of someone who actually cares.
They don't talk much, or give their input.
Not even a ounce of judgment.
Just letting you vent it all out.
Even through the mumbling words,
Through the heavy tears and muffled face in hands,
But when you're calming down and silent.
That's when they say something, just a little something.
A few words to put a smile on your face,
And then you let out a laugh, for a second,
A moment you feel fine again.
Then after a few small giggles exchanged,
After realizing how silly you were for over thinking everything.
They tell you 

They love you.
And will always be here to listen,
Because that's what friends are for.
And then that's when you realize no matter what,
it will be
Okay.

She doesn't even go here....

I just got to push it out of my head....

   Insecurities are a miserable thing I hold. They take over me, and infect my mind with terrible illusions I really don't want there. Some are about my love, some about my family, and a lot of it is about myself. I cry because of dreams I have that involve some of my weaknesses. I know, I know, I know.... It's just dreams, they are just some silly thoughts, you know that won't happen. You know everything can work out.

   But why? Why would anything work out for me. Nothing ever has before. I've been broken, and I'm finally starting to put myself piece by piece back into a whole. It's taken me so long to get as far as I am now. I'm still not finished, but I am getting there. It's always a really hard thing for me to believe things are good. Every time I have thought that, it all came crashing down. And I was left alone and stuck in a black hole, that it seemed I would never escape. But I built myself a ladder, I started to climb. Each step was brighter looking then the last. I've been really happy, but now I worry for no reason that this ladder of mine will break and I'll be falling farther down then before. That just can't happen. I won't be able to handle it this time, I really won't be.

oh here I am...

Hi!

   I am so terribly sorry for my absents. It's just that my life has really turned around. I usually come here to vent, but I haven't even had anything really to vent about! I love my job, it's wonderful. It's really helped me with my anxiety. It's the perfect place for a girl like me. I answer and make calls, I don't have to worry about talking to people in person. Which is why I haven't even had a job before this, minus my babysitting job. All my co workers are super nice and they are guys, so it's a really great atmosphere for someone like me.

  On another note, my social life. It's fabulous, cause well... I have one now. I've gotten close to my old best friends, I go out in groups, go out to dinner and movies with them. It's so much fun. It's so strange. I'm not use to this. You know, things going right. It's just never happened for me. But usually when it feels like it's going good, it goes... ASDFGHKL: and then it's terrible again. So I'm really just hoping everything stays good, at least for a while.

We shall see,
Christina

Extravaganza 2010

Only one of the best days of summer! I go every year and don't plan on stopping, ever. In the AM I headed to the event with Mark to walk around and just chill. We of course went to see the animals, went and watched the talent show. And got some fried dough!

 After that we headed to a pre-party at someones house to meet up with the crew! It was nice to relax and hang out with some people I hadn't seen in a long time. Then we headed down to the actually event and walked around looking at the booths and watching the live music. We got some grub then ended up going to the golf course across from the firework station to watch! AFterward we headed to Sam's house to go night swimming! Water was the perfect temperature after baking in the sun all day.

Me and Shannon after a swim!

Same and Nick being adorbs

Well, can't wait till next years!

-Christina