Arg!

   I hate when I have my bad day and my mood sucks everything out of me. Where I just want to cry and lay in my bed. I'm stuck at work, trying to keep it all together. But it's hard.

   Hope your day is going better than mine,
Christina

To whom this may concern,

   Hi,

   You don't know me. And I know you may not care, but I will tell you anyway. You can stop at any moment if you feel it's not worth your time to read. I won't take any offense, for I wouldn't expect any one to read it. Well, I've been writing about my life for years now.  But today, I will write to you.

   You might not know this but you are important. You are loved, whether you realize this or not, maybe they don't show it, but they care, they really do. You are a beautiful soul, you may not think so, but you are. Just believe it. Maybe one day you will see, what everyone else sees. You think you're not worth being happy and loved, but you are wrong, you are worth that and so much more. You may not listen to me today, but someday soon, I hope you see what I see.

Sincerely with love,
   Christina

I let it all out.

 I Let It All Out

by Christina.

I let everything out. 

Tears, feelings, thoughts, worries.
Everything.

To pour it all out, over flowing, spilling everywhere.
Just to open the bottled up emotions is intense,
Relieving.

To tell each thought one by one to a listening ear,
Of someone who actually cares.
They don't talk much, or give their input.
Not even a ounce of judgment.
Just letting you vent it all out.
Even through the mumbling words,
Through the heavy tears and muffled face in hands,
But when you're calming down and silent.
That's when they say something, just a little something.
A few words to put a smile on your face,
And then you let out a laugh, for a second,
A moment you feel fine again.
Then after a few small giggles exchanged,
After realizing how silly you were for over thinking everything.
They tell you 

They love you.
And will always be here to listen,
Because that's what friends are for.
And then that's when you realize no matter what,
it will be
Okay.

She doesn't even go here....

I just got to push it out of my head....

   Insecurities are a miserable thing I hold. They take over me, and infect my mind with terrible illusions I really don't want there. Some are about my love, some about my family, and a lot of it is about myself. I cry because of dreams I have that involve some of my weaknesses. I know, I know, I know.... It's just dreams, they are just some silly thoughts, you know that won't happen. You know everything can work out.

   But why? Why would anything work out for me. Nothing ever has before. I've been broken, and I'm finally starting to put myself piece by piece back into a whole. It's taken me so long to get as far as I am now. I'm still not finished, but I am getting there. It's always a really hard thing for me to believe things are good. Every time I have thought that, it all came crashing down. And I was left alone and stuck in a black hole, that it seemed I would never escape. But I built myself a ladder, I started to climb. Each step was brighter looking then the last. I've been really happy, but now I worry for no reason that this ladder of mine will break and I'll be falling farther down then before. That just can't happen. I won't be able to handle it this time, I really won't be.