Lili Visits

Hello!

She is perfect. My sweet, sweet Aaliyah came to visit us! She had a blast with the new playdoh we got her and with Abby! And Abby had a good time with her! I just love her so much!

I love these girls. Rachel is defiantly a long life best friend.

as always,
Christina

Upstairs Bathroom

Before and after of touch up painting my upstairs bathroom! Needed fresh paint on the ceiling which had water stains and the heater had rust on it!

And here is a little accent I added to make it a little nicer looking, plus I added two nice frames holding my scenic photos in them above the toilet corner and a a matching basket to the one on the counter on the toilet!

May is Mental Health Awareness Month Part 3

   Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is characterized by recurrent and disturbing or intrusive thoughts, called obsessions that cause severe distress and anxiety. Individuals try to neutralize these obsessions with repetitive behaviors or rituals called compulsions. Most people with OCD are aware that their thoughts and behaviors are senseless but give them due to the intensity of the discomfort they cause. About 5 millions Americans may suffer from OCD at some point during their lifetime.

   There are many different types of OCD, some people have it so severe that it could take them 2 hours just leave the house after doing all their rituals or brush their teeth obsessively that their gums will bleed. And each person do these things for their own reasons. Example of one I learned about, a women had a fear if she didn’t turn every light switch in her house on and off 3 times her mother would die.

   For me, I don’t have it near as severe as some. I use to have it a lot worse, but I have learned to handle it and some people may never know I have it. I use to do things like step on every other crack on the sidewalk, if I messed up I’d walk back 4 spots and start again. I use to count all different things. Every time I used a plastic cup, I’d take the first one off, grab the second cup and put the first one back on the stack. I use to wash my hands till they were do dry they’d get raw and bleed.

   Since getting help, I haven’t done those rituals. Things can really change if you take a step forward to get help. I still clean a lot, I hate when new people come over and the house isn’t perfect. When at a restaurant, I have to tie the straw wrappers. When I do the dishes I still line up the cups all facing the same way and have to wash the silverware in a certain order. I still wash my hands a lot, but only a little more than a normal person. I have to fold the clothes a certain way, so Sean isn’t allowed to fold our clothes. I like things overly organized in drawers and on shelves. And I get really frustrated when others don’t do it the same way as me. But I can handle life a lot easier without being stuck doing something I knew was ridiculous because it had no meaning and annoying to others and myself to deal with. You can change the way you do things. Takes time, but your life can change for the better!

May is Mental Health Awareness Month Part 2

   Anxiety disorder is one of the most common psychiatric disorders in the U.S. with 19 million Americans suffering. Anxiety disorder is defined by feelings of uneasiness, worry, and fear. Anxiety is a normal human emotion. Some people will get it for things such as public speaking, taking a test, or a first date. Anxiety disorders, however, are different. They can cause such distress that it interferes with a person's ability to lead a normal life. Welcome to mine…

   It was so overwhelming to deal with before I got help and went on medication I could barely function. I had a fear of leaving my home, of big events, gatherings with people my age, every thing. To many people it seems like something you should just deal with, suck it up, just go out… it’s not a big deal. But to me it was so much more.

   I would get panic attacks for something a regular person would just be nervous for. I didn’t want a job for fear of having to talk to people. I felt sick at the thought of trying to do something that wasn’t in my comfort zone. Every time one hit, it felt like I couldn’t even breathe, no matter how hard I tried. My lungs just stop working and then my heart races so fast I feel like it will jump out of my chest. I’d start to tremble, couldn’t even keep my hands still. I wanted to scream to get this attack out of me. I’d start crying so hard I felt as though I was going to throw up. I would curl up in a ball and would try to calm down. Sometimes I thought it would be better just to go live I a physic ward and not deal with the outside world.

   Now I get a lot less panic attacks, but I still have to figure out how to deal with my anxiety. I have to push my self to go out and be social. My boyfriend really encourages me to leave the house and do something, anything! Whether it be hiking, running errands for just an hour, or sometimes going to the bar or a party. I had to find the right job for me, thankfully I work as a nanny. Working with kids, I never worry about feeling judged. They make me feel like the coolest, prettiest, and funniest person in the world. I still don’t have my license and still will panic when behind the wheel, but I’m trying. And that’s all I can ask for. I sometimes will still have anxiety attacks when I’m sleeping or just watching tv. My mind will wonder and over think.

   When I’m having one I just remember to breathe slowly in and out. Relax myself and calm down. I think logically instead of letting everything be all scrambled. I take medicine when I’m having an attack. And then it drifts away. I am so much better than I was. It’s all about taking action to change your life! Don’t be afraid to talk about how you feel, you don’t have to go through it alone.

xo Christina

May is Mental Health Awareness Part 1

 

   Bipolar disorder, or manic depression, is a serious mental disorder that causes extreme shifts in mood, energy, and functioning.  2.3 million Americans are affected by it.  There are two phases, manic phase and depressed phase. I have bipolar II, which is a less severe manic phase but the depressive episodes are the same as bipolar I. 

   For me, when I’m on the manic side of the poles, some things that I experience are larger amounts of energy. My thoughts race so fast that my head starts to hurt because I can’t process everything I’m thinking about. My brain is going a mile a minute. It is frustrating, especially when it’s time to go to bed. You want to shut your brain off. I also talk a lot more, and in my head I keep telling myself “Okay, Christina, stop talking. You’re starting to get annoying!” but I can’t. I keep going on and on. I get urges to start projects and get overwhelmed with all my ideas running in my head.  I get really amped for little things like something good happened on my tv show or finish organizing my closet. I can also get really angry and lash out at people close to me, I will take things out on other people. (thankfully that rarely happens now!) If I’m in a mood, pretty much anything will piss me off. Another thing that happens in this state, is getting overly confident and coincided.

   Then comes my depressed phase…  this is the one I’d say I have about 75% of the time. I don’t like anything about myself during this time. It’s like a roller coaster (And I hate those!). After a manic day, the next one I’m at my lowest. I get incredibly sad, and for no reason. I cry a lot and I keep thinking “Why the heck are you crying?!” but I can’t stop. A lot of people think I don’t like them or “too good” to hang out with them because I never go out, it’s frustrating because you lose a lot of friends this way. Then you feel even more alone then before. I start to hate myself and the way I am.

   After high school, I literally spent over a year not leaving my house, other then to family’s houses. I went out once to a party with the only friend I had then, as soon as I got there I had a panic attack and had to go home (I will talk about those tomorrow). I am no longer friends with her, she told me she couldn’t be around someone like me. Then I was down to no friends. My days were wake up, eat, do nothing, cry, sleep. It was one of the hardest years for me.

   Eventually I talked about it and got the help I needed. I went to therapy and went on medication. The thing about medication, chances are it won’t work on the first try. There are many different types and you have to find the right one for your brain. I tried 4 or 5 before the one I’m on now. First we only thought it was only depression, and then figured out it was bipolar disorder, which runs in my family. Now I’m on mood stabilizers which help me so much. I am a lot better (and no, I’m not “zombied out”) but I still have to work to make myself do things, like go out or talk to people. It’s hard. But I have one of the best support systems a person could ask for! My wonderful family and my amazing boyfriend who gets me through each day!

   This is only a little bit of what I deal with, I would have to write a novel to explain it all. But maybe this will give you a better look on what I go through and feel.

xo Christina

May is Mental Health Awareness Month!

   In honor of mental health awareness month, this weekend I will be discussing in posts what I have to people who may not know or don't understand what these disorders are. If you have any questions or concerns about me or yourself feel free to message me and we can talk about it. I will do the best I can to help. Let's break the stigma and talk about mental health!

xo Christina

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Click to read each post!

Part One: Bipolar Disorder

Part Two: Anxiety

Part Three: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Somewhere...

...Over the rainbow