Quotes Of The Day: Books

   Hi, to who ever you are.

   As you can tell... My mind is a roller coaster. Being bipolar has it's up, but a lot of downs. I just finished watching The Perks Of Being A Wallflower. The books has a special place in my heart, for I read it durning one of my worst depressions. I think the reason it means so much to me is I relate to Charlie. A lot.

“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.”

-That is the life I live, most days.

"It's strange because sometimes, I read a book, and I think I am the people in the book.”

-Charlie and I are almost one in the same.

   I use to think of horrible things all the time. Not of the same things, but the same way he emotional feels. I use to write here a lot. About almost everything I felt. I wish I had a person I could have written to. But I had here. Some post I deleted right after I wrote them, since I didn't want to share those type of thoughts.

"We accept the love we think we deserve"

    I dated shitty people who treated me shitty. But that was what I thought was good for me.

   Thankfully now... I am so much better then I have ever been. I've had depression most of my life, even before I realized what was wrong with me. Of course I still have my sad moments were I think about things. Charlie always cried a lot (in the book at least.) and I do too. Quite often. Even about stupid little things. I mean just last week I was annoyed that no one was washing dirty dishes, then angry I had to rush to finish all the sides of our dinner at the same time, and then cried cause I was frustrated and pissed off cause I smashed my hand of the microwave and then spilled the whole salt shaker on my food. But then about 15 mins later I was laughing and smiling watching a movie with Sean. Being bipolar is weird like that.

“I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.” 

 “So, I guess we are who we are for a lot of reasons. And maybe we'll never know most of them. But even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there. We can still do things. And we can try to feel okay about them.”

   Charlie is thankful for his friends for being there for him and never judging him for being Charlie. You know? I mean what can be better than that. Being accepted for who you are no matter what. Sean does that for me. I don't think I would be where I am mentally and physically if it were not for him. I didn't imagine I would ever be in this state of mind, ever. He accepts me for all I am. When I cry he just hugs me. Past "friends and boyfriends" would not understand and eventually left. But Sean was different than anyone I have ever met.

“Things change. And friends leave. Life doesn't stop for anybody.” 

   I use to think I would be in the physic ward one day, that's where I wanted to be because I hated life. Then he came into my life when I needed someone just to say "Hey, I really like you... for you." He was my support system, he understood. I never been one to not be open... I was an open book, to anyone will to listen. He did.

“I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.”

    Eventually we fell in love. I smile and laugh most days. Perks defiantly helped me through tough times. And now Sean does.

“Please believe that things are good with me, and even when they're not, they will be soon enough. And I will always believe the same about you.”

     I'm glad they made the movie. I'm glad Charlie became okay. I'm glad I became okay.

   Thanks for listening,
      Christina

“And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.”

I never had those moments, till now.