Some may be surprised but so many people, even those closest to you have it. Some people you'd never even guess suffer from it. For some it's hard to talk about, I'm pretty open though so let me tell you about these last few days.
For myself, anxiety can consume a whole day of my life. As we know life is short. So I prefer my days to be happy and positive and not worrisome and sad.... though unfortunately, that was my past two days. For me it can be for literally no reason at all, or maybe it is and I just don't even know what for. Usually it is over something silly and shouldn't be making me go a bit crazy. But anyway, for this time, known as day one. I had just woken up at about 5 am with my heart racing out of no where! Then the really physical stuff starts to happen, and quickly. I get these terrible shakes, a fake out stomach ache forms, I get super hot or super cold (at times both) and my hearts hurts, and my breathing starts to make me panic since it feels like I can't. I then I have to wake up Sean, which I always feel bad about but I really need the help.
We start by me taking my anxiety medication, I sit up straight, and sometimes he either will get me the heating pad for my stomach or a cold washcloth to cool me off. I usually run back and forth to the bathroom in panic of it just being a stomach ache cause my belly is just turning in knots or for fear of vomiting cause I get really nauseous. Though I rarely will throw up, thankfully! Cause that's just gross and makes it hard to breathe evenly since ya know, it's hard to breathe through vomit nose... Sorry for that visual.
Next I just need him to talk to me and distract me, Sean kind sucks at this, mostly cause he's half asleep so it's pretty understandable, haha! I just want someone to continually talk about some random topic to take my mind away from my thoughts, but it really hard to do on the spot. I try to talk and joke with him but it's hard since my throat will get extremely dry and I feel too sick to drink water. Sometimes I think I need something to eat but actually eating makes me sick. So we might go through Netflix and put on a comedy special. Sometimes that helps. They say laughter is the best medicine. The pup seems to worry so she ends up coming over for a snuggle... secretly I think she's a little more focused on getting those belly rubs! Sometimes I can calm it down to less severe of an attack within an hour. But sometimes it goes down after a few hours, but slowly and not as dramatic through out a day. Which kind of sucks because I get anxiety thinking how it will return!
It's scary thinking of it returning when you are alone. It defiantly is the hardest to handle alone. Sometimes I fear I'll need to go to the hospital because I don't know what to think or do. Which then freaks me out more, it a lot of times slowly builds up by thinking about the "What ifs?" and the "Am I breathing still?!" So paranoia is one of the main causes (at least for myself) of a panic attack.
Sometimes I can fully get rid of one in a short amount of time. That is truly the best! But that was not the case this week. So anyway like I was saying above, I woke up crazily panicked. Kind of startled me as well since I was dead asleep. This lasted (not as bad after initial 3 hours) all morning but calmed down a lot just before Sean had to go to work. I ended up taking a nap as he was leaving cause I was calm and super tired. Then sun was shining through the blinds relaxing me and the puppy and my cat, Eddy were snuggled close so I passed out right away. I was worried I'd wake up anxiety ridden and Sean wouldn't be there.
I ended slepping from 4-6pm, then the pup woke me up for dinner time and it was still sunny out! And about a half hour of being a wake, not too much worry thankfully, my amazing man walked in surprising me. He was able to leave work early cause it was slow, which really helped keep this calm going a bit longer. Around 9 I started feeling my anxiety creeping back, slowly but I knew it was about to get cray cray up in here! So my awesome Brotherbear, Nick sent me two youtube videos, one a 30 minute cardio easy to do exercise bit, so I'd get my mind distracted and my endorphines to release! Plus even though you may hate exercise you have to admit you do feel glad you did it and have good mood afterward. Then he sent a 15 minute yoga thing, which I've never done before to calm me down after the workout. I have wood floors and no mat so sort of a bad idea but I proceeded anyway and it felt good to loosen my stress and relax the body and mind!
Then Sean came and joined me upstairs so I wouldn't be alone as I watched a bit of tv while he video gamed on his laptop. Even if were not talking just having the comfort of him being there always helps. I believe support from others is one of the keys to working through an issue whether it be mental health or something like a stressful project for school. Support and a little love can go a long way.
After work Sean texted me to get him a change of clothes for Chris to pick up because they were heading to the skatepark after he got out of work. I decided, "Hey! I'm coming too!" even though I kept thinking maybe I shouldn't, but I KNEW I had to push myself and get out and probably end up having a good time. And I did! I tried, badly some skating but then ended up playing on the playground there! Feeling like a kid again and just laughing really can help bring me back to my normal self! It honestly helped so much and we all hung out at the house afterward and had a blast just chilling, listening to music on youtube and talking a lot (My favorite!). I am in a great mood now. And will now know again I WILL be okay. Tomorrow is another new day and I will start it positive. Mind over matter. It really is what I need to do, at least it's what I can hope for everyday, and that's all you can ask for.
Now that I'm back to normal(ish) haha! I hope your day was positive, I truly do. Thanks for reading!
Love always,
Christina
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